Mental Hellth

So it’s been a(nother) couple of months since I wrote anything. To be honest this last couple of months have been hard. I noticed today that my activity and interaction with others on Twitter for example had tanked over the past couple of months, and there were even a handful of days where I made zero tweets all day, which is completely unlike me!

Is there any particular reason for this? Well, yes. My mental health took a serious hit around the start of October, for reasons I’m not comfortable getting into with anyone (don’t worry, my family, job and home etc are all fine), probably ever. But needless to say it’s had a longer-lasting effect on me than I would ever have guessed. And to be honest at one stage I had questioned whether it was worth carrying all of this* on at all.

Immediately afterwards my social interactivity went down the toilet, and as a result I’ve allowed my friendships and relationships both online and off to suffer to varying degrees, with some falling by the wayside completely. I’d stopped interacting with people, posting as much as normal (tweets duh, everyone knows I don’t write here often enough), and just downright started to go full hermit.

I’m getting better, slowly, so very slowly. Most days I’m fine, then others… not so much. I’m not the sort of person that has a lot of IRL friendships, for several reasons:

  • I’m very introverted, and don’t like being around a lot of people for very long.
  • I’m 99% sure I have some form of Autism, which brings with it its own little treasure trove of joys to be had and experienced. Primarily having times where a consistent level of noise and activity will make me want to run away and lie down in a quiet room because it’s all just too much “input” for my brain to deal with.
  • I literally don’t get out a lot. I work, I go home, I faff about online (playing WoW/Overwatch et al) or spend time with my Wife then go to bed. Rinse & Repeat 5 times a week.

I’ve had varying degrees of panic attacks as well over the past couple of months, the most recent being in the airport on the way home from holiday, where it kicked off in the airport, lasted the entire length of the flight home, and only ended about an hour after I got into the house.

Fun times. Oh such fun.

One thing this entire experience has taught me is that I’m nowhere nearly as strong mentally as I thought I was. I’m human after all. Which sucks.

So, the only thing I can do is carry on forging through each day as best I can, and hopefully, eventually, I’ll be back to “normal”, whatever the hell that is. From now on I’ll be making a conscious effort to be more of my old self on Twitter, and on here. I’ve let things slide too long, and today was a bit of a wake up call.

Sorry guys. Normal service will be resumed shortly.